how to annoy your facebook friends in 9 easy steps.

(originally published on 7/7/15)

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I am growing increasingly tired of the constant commercial that is Facebook these days. It seems like I can’t sign on to my News Feed anymore without being blasted with before and after pictures (eww, panties! Why are they ALWAYS in their panties?), pictures of “free” luxury cars, and invitations to Facebook parties. I like my friends, and I like Facebook, but can I just say it?

Enough is enough! Please just stop!

In light of my current frustration with Facebook, I present to you 9 simple steps to annoy your Facebook friends.

Step 1: Send a friend request to every person that Facebook suggests you may know. Never met them in person or even heard their name? No problem. Facebook said you might know them, so they obviously are just waiting to be your forever friend on Facebook.

Step 2: Immediately add all of your new friends to your super-exclusive Facebook group. Don’t have a Facebook group? No problem. You can create one.

Step 3: Inundate your new Facebook group with your sales pitch for the life-changing product that they absolutely cannot live without. Post pictures and personal testimonies about Product XYZ. Bonus points if you include a post about how your friend’s cousin’s best friend’s mother-in-law made 6 figures in 3 months just by sharing Product XYZ. Cut and paste all of the same posts to your personal Facebook page. If people aren’t reading about it in your super-exclusive group, they can read about it on their News Feed.

Step 4: When your friends post a status or picture, immediately comment about how Product XYZ can help. It doesn’t matter what the original post is about. Product XYZ changes lives! Weird rash on your child’s belly? Just rub XYZ on it 3 times a day and it will be cured! Cat run away? Product XYZ will help! Marriage in trouble? XYZ to the rescue!

Step 5: When your friends ignore your constant sales pitches (because they will), start sending private messages. Bonus points if it’s in a group message to your entire friends list.

Step 6: Invite your entire friends list to your Facebook party. They can “party” in their jammies and you don’t even have to clean your house or buy food. How great is that?!? Cut and paste your sales pitch from your Facebook group and personal profile onto the event page.

Step 7: Continue to post about Product XYZ approximately 742 times per day for the next 2-3 months. See your Facebook friends list dwindle as people unfriend and block you.

Step 8: Realize that Product XYZ is not the right product for you (i.e. you didn’t get rich fast enough).

Step 9: Sign up with Company ABC and repeat steps 1-8.

So, there you have it. How to annoy your Facebook friends in 9 easy steps. Now, before you get upset with me and accuse me of not being supportive, please hear this. I am in direct sales. I have been for almost 6 years. It’s how I’m able to be a stay-at-home mom. I respect and support ANYONE who is trying to make a living and provide for themselves and/or their family. I really do. I just feel like there is a much better way to go about it. What happened to the personal touch? Or building relationships? If you want to have a Facebook group to promote your business, then go for it! Just ASK people if they would like to be a part of it before you automatically add them to the group.
Want to post about your product on your personal profile? Awesome! Just limit how many times a day you post about it. I still want to see pictures of your cute kid, or pets, or beach trip. I bet your other friends do, too.

It is possible to have a thriving business without being a spammer. Give it a try. I think you’ll like the results.

Just please remember this: If your picture involves panties, JUST SAY NO TO POSTING IT!